They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
