I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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