my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You were trust falling into bushes
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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