Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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