i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I believe in your delicious
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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