the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
