i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
