she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think my moral compass just broke
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize