conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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