I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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