OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
