I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
