Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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