why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize