drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
