sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
my being single is dangerous.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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