there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
