just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
