For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
