i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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