oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
