I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
