goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
