Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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