youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
