he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize