Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
