very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
