Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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