That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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