Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
