I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
