ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
