i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
