I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
