Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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