Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
