Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize