You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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