im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
