I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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