You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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