theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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