I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
