My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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