You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
