He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
