Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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