worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
