My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
