ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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