life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
