I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
