Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
