i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
