They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
