the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
