that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There r osticjed everywhere
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
