One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
