i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
