Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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