u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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