I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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