just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i came on her dog
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm sobbing to NWA
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
