Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
