my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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