um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you didnt know i had herpes?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
